Getting a Donor Meeting: “I don’t know what to say the meeting is about.”
This is the fear underneath a lot of donor meeting hesitation. You know you eventually want to make an ask. You’re not ready to make it yet — you want to invest in the relationship first. But if they ask what the meeting is about, you’re not sure what to say that’s both honest and doesn’t make them put their guard up.
What’s really going on
- “If I say it’s a general check-in, it’ll feel like a bait-and-switch when I eventually ask.”
- “If I hint at what I want, they might say no to the meeting before I even get to explain.”
- “I don’t want to seem manipulative — but I also don’t want to tip my hand too soon.”
Here’s the clarifying frame: a meeting to build a relationship is exactly what it is. You’re not hiding the ask — the ask isn’t the point of this meeting. The point of this meeting is to understand the donor better, share what the organization is doing, and stay in relationship. That’s completely honest.
Most donors understand that organizations ask for gifts. That’s not a secret. What they want is to feel like the relationship matters to you beyond the gift — and a meeting that’s genuinely about them, not about your campaign, demonstrates exactly that.
What not to do
Don’t be mysterious about the meeting’s purpose. Vague requests feel like setups. “I’d just love to catch up” from someone they rarely hear from will put some donors on alert.
Don’t promise this meeting isn’t about money if you plan to ask soon. If there’s a specific ask coming in the next month or two, it’s better to say “I’d love to share what we’ve been working on and explore whether there’s an opportunity to be involved” than to frame it as a purely social call.
Don’t confuse “I’m not ready to ask yet” with “I shouldn’t be transparent.” You can be honest about the purpose of the meeting without making the meeting about the future ask.
What to say
The meeting request can be honest without being transactional:
“I’d love to hear more about what’s been drawing you to this work — and share some of what we’ve been working on here. Would you be open to 20 minutes in [month]?”
That’s true. It’s relational. And if it goes well, it makes the next conversation — where you do introduce a specific opportunity — feel natural, not out of nowhere.
If you are asking them for advice:
“I’d love to learn about your experience with [area you are sincerely curious about learning about]. It’s something we’re dealing with here but they didn’t teach us this in college. Would your schedule permit us to get together for 20 minutes in [month]?”
The key is you need to be sincerely curious. Marc always says that honesty and integrity are the two most important fundraising tools. So don’t ask for advice if you only really want money.
If they push and ask if you’re looking for a gift:
“I wasn’t planning on doing that this time. I’m sincerely interested in [what area you would like their input about].”
It can be helpful to pause before “this time.” It gives the donor a moment to process — and signals that you’re being completely straight forward with them.
AI prompt
I want to request a meeting with a donor as a relationship investment — not to make an ask yet, but to build toward one in the future. I’m not sure how to explain what the meeting is about in a way that’s honest but doesn’t lead with “eventually I want to ask you for something.” Here’s the context:
- Donor description (no real name): [e.g., “A mid-level donor who gives annually; I think she might be a major gift prospect but we’ve never had a real conversation”]
- What I genuinely hope to learn in the meeting: [e.g., “What she cares about most, how connected she feels to the mission, whether she knows other people we should know”]
- Likely timeline before any ask: [e.g., “Probably 4–6 months, maybe longer”]
Draft a short meeting request (under 120 words) that’s honest about this being a relationship conversation, doesn’t feel mysterious or manipulative, and makes a specific and easy-to-respond-to ask. Include a subject line.
Privacy note: Describe your donor generally rather than using their real name.