I’ve been doing a lot of travel lately. As a result, I’ve learned to savor the time at home.
Here are some things to consider if your job has you traveling and you want to stay married.
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Take half days when you are home
Travel isn’t the most productive time for work. I love being in my own office and being productive.
But I forget that my wife and kids love having me around. And being in my home office isn’t “being around.”
The last few times I’ve come home, I’ve scheduled half days for myself; half for the family. Half days are win-win. I get about as much done in a half day as a whole day. And I get to enjoy being around my family too!
This works when I’m home for 1-3 days.
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Do your own laundry
Seriously. Your spouse has been the only one doing the laundry while you were away. And if you’ve been away for a while, you probably already have a full load. So just do it.
The bonus? You get to get things out of the dryer before they need ironing. 🙂
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Wash the dishes
This is so simple. Dishes really aren’t something I enjoy.
But do any of us?
It’s amazing how a powerful a simple gesture like cleaning up after dinner is. So do it. Your spouse could use the break. And honestly, you could use the repetitive mindless work.
Travel for work and staying married can happen. What tips do you have?
Marc,
I do a lot of work-related travel as well, and have found the 1/2 day and do your own laundry are both big wins in our house. Probably should start doing more dishes. 🙁
While on the road we’ve found that the iPhone’s Facetime tool is a huge communication boost. Not just for us, but especially for keeping me connected to the kids too.
A buddy of mine makes a point to send his wife flowers if he’s on the road for more than three consecutive days. And I try to send little notes on hotel stationary, as well as post cards to the kids from every city I visit.
Andrew: Those are awesome!
We too have found video calls to be helpful. They’re still a little awkward. But they do connect us.
I love the cards and flowers. I was sending my wife regularly but have gotten out of that habit. Should get back into it.
One thing I don’t do is get the kids gifts from the places I visit. That was getting weird. But I like the hotel stationary idea.
A few years ago, I was also stuffing notes for each kid where I knew they’d be bound to find it while I was gone. 🙂
As a former spouse left behind and now a spouse who is frequently away:
Talk with your spouse about what they miss when you are gone, it may not be what you think. You should always pitch in and help whether you are traveling or not. Same goes with flowers and special msgs.
When my spouse would go away on business, I wouldn’t miss him the first day. It was a vacation for me to work my schedule with me in mind and my three children. Then each day gets progressively less like a vacation and the missing sets in. The one left behind feels like it is the one traveling who is on vacation and that can make the missing turn into resentment.
On the other hand, now that I travel more, my husband misses me right away. How do I know besides that he says it? The house is spotless when I get home. The other msg is I will have time to spend with him when I return if I don’t have to clean up.
Remember, when we travel, we have distractions that can make us forget home. The one at home is surrounded by constant reminders that you are not there. Set yourself a reminder.
Don’t set yourself up. Don’t do something that seems like a sympathy vote rather than I miss you msg.
Bringing a gift every time puts stress on you when traveling is all ready stressful. Soon you won’t know if they’re happy to see you or the gift. Do it when it means something. Children will not remember the mat’l gift, they will remember you spent time with them so book a future date with them before you leave. They will focus on your coming back rather than that you are gone.
Send a text or a photo of something special. You holding a sign that says “I miss you”. Something from home and send back a photo of it “visiting” some where. Make it the same thing every time, then you have something special too.
Call . Even if you are too tired. My husband has to go to bed early and get up early so even when I know he’s asleep, I send a txt . He will often respond “K”. In the morning he will send one. If you actually get the other spouse on the line, LISTEN. Don’t be answering e-mails, eating, watching sports, etc.
Cleaning. Distracting the kids. Bring home take out. Put the kids to bed while your spouse has alone time. Hire a daytime sitter. Or if you have no kids, do something just the two of you like. No e-mails. No talk of work. No phone. No texts.
BTW, don’t have your child read to you over the phone. You may fall asleep. And that’s bad. Read to them. They may fall asleep. That’s good. 🙂
Talk to your spouse and family. What are their needs? Then do it. Even if you have to put it in your iphone to remember. Communicate. I used to hate it when my husband would call during an after business hours dinner. My take was that he was “fitting me in”. His side was that he was bored and missed me. We didn’t know that for years!
I like the 1/2 day idea. Easy to say. Hard to enforce. I can see why I would be more productive. We use the time to best advantage that we think we have.
People matter.